New year comes with resolutions and superstitions. There is this superstition that what you do as the year starts; you’ll keep doing it for the rest of the year. Then there are resolutions that we make each year only to give up on them before Njaanuary ends.
After I did my last story on maigoya leaves (Plectranthus Barbatus) , it’s like karma decided to strike me like the bitch she is. We are on this road drive to wherever and I’m listening to Ben and Noel Haggard do, ‘the running kind/ Fugitive.’ We are at that part that says, ‘the higway is my home.’ Me listening and tapping my foot, them singing 😂. As I tap my left foot on the mat thinking this is gonna be the best year, my stomach decides to be part of the running kind. At this time I come out of my music induce high. I feel like I want to release a Kayusuf but then this Yusuf feels like it won’t just be the airy kind. It could also be aqueous in nature if you know what that means. A thin sweat starts to form on my skin and I know, ‘ni kubaya.’ I start looking outta the window to locate the perfect spot. By this time I’m ready to,‘gūtema mutī ndige ūgitoga.’ Cut the tree and leave it smoking. When you know you know. After all Homo Habilis did it all the time.
Somehow I spot a Church along the road which has a pit latrine. I tap on the driver and tell him I need to you know 😜. He stops a few metres down where there is a bush and I explain with a bloated face that, ‘it’s the big one.’ I tell him that there is a church up there and he immediately reverses a look of concern on his face. As the car screeches to a halt, I bolt out of the car and run towards the church like ‘lightning in a hurry.’ I don’t even look right, left and right again before crossing the road.They can hit me for all I care. After all the pearly mansions in heaven must have a toilet. I’m multitasking as I try to get to the pit latrine in record time, praying that I won’t find it padlocked and also trying to prevent the Kayusuf from escaping. Any escape could lead to cancellation of the trip. I make it to the latrine and my prayers are also answered pap since it’s not padlocked. I feel like thar bright light they sing about in ‘praise the Lord, I saw the light,’ is suddenly shining on me. I enter and download the contents and I swear if you were standing outside you could hear tremors to the tune of number 6 on the ritcher scale. The relief on my face as I come out knows no bounds.
The rest of the journey is just one road drive even though I feel a few pinches in my tummy every now and then. I get to enjoy the beautiful countryside that is Embu and Tharakanithi counties. The cool breeze and the panoramic scenes make up for my earlier predicament. I could still nduthis again.
Thank you Solid Rock Church Mutunduri for coming to my rescue and Ena falls for the epic sights. If you know the pastor please thank him.
As for the resolutions I no longer make those. Dearest superstitions, I hope you don’t turn out true this time round. Happy 2022 friends.