Phones, phones, phones. How they have evolved. From Kambambes to Androids and i phones, the list is endless. Somehow it feels like the evolution of man only it’s really the evolution of gadgets. Do you remember that Australopithecus and Homo Habilis shit. My first phone was an Alcatel. Back in my campus years, owning a phone was considered an entitlement for the dynasties or for those whom Chacha (Helb) had decided to give a megawatt smile. Sisi wengine tulikuwa tunazionea viusasa. Most common phones back then were the Motorola, Nokia and Siemens. Still we managed with the aerials and everything. They looked like those brigadier’s over over aka walkie-talkies. Chances happen to all and I landed a job in an ice-cream factory where we used to be paid via paypackets. Don’t ask me what I did there, that’s a whole novel. Yeah we had studied about paypackets in business management and now I was living the education 😂. So I’m given the envelope with my monthly wage, minus the warubanji (advance.) That’s me feeling all entitled as I sashay through the streets of Kanairo, I’m a woman on a mission: said mission is to buy a phone. How can I not have a phone when I’m a working class belle. My mission squad comes with a complete battalion legs and hands moving in quick forward march. My brain is the commander in chief of the armed forces. She has to be alert to scan the peripherals for a potential pick pocket, scan the displays on the stalls for pocket friendly gadgets and avoid a head on collision with a Mūthubarī (KBS.) The eyes are her partner in crime. Swiftly all the members of the squad successfully lead me to Cianda house and I instantly fall in love with a silvery Alcatel beauty. We talk and negotiate with the seller and I’m awarded a discount. I count the wand of notes and give out the 5k for my phone. The only problem is what’s left in the envelope will not be sufficient to cover for my expenses but do I care? Nani kama mimi. I trek to Ngara and show off my phone to everyone who stands in my way.
After a few days the phone starts behaving funny, Any time someone calls, I receive the call but instead of hearing them I hear that hoooohooo sound. You know the one you hear when the river is swollen and it’s flowing too fast. I go to the fundi who upon examination delivers the stroke that broke the camels back ruling. This is a stolen phone and the real owner has it blocked by the SIM card service providers. I guess I’m back at one again. I thank God I didn’t get arrested for being in possession of stolen goods, otherwise I might have become a jailbird. As Merle Haggard sings I’ll never swim Kern River again, I’m here singing I’ll never shop at Cianda house stalls again.

Published by Nyar Kaheti

Born and raised on the picturesque slopes of Mt Kenya, Nyar Kaheti is your girl next door vibe kind of girl. She enjoys reading, writing, hiking, and listening to country music among other things.

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