Doctored

When we were growing up and the digital world had not been borne, it would take a week to know our exam results. Right now you just need to send the index number to a certain number and pap, the results are sent to you in the blink of an eye. You don’t even get a minute to engage yourself in a pep talk.

Back in the days, the results would have to be taken to the provincial headquarters, then from there they’d trickle down to the districts, divisions and zones in that order. Only then would the headteacher would be able to get the much awaited results. By this time the students would have sweat and almost died of dehydration while also crossing their fingers even in their sleep to ask the stars to have mercy on them. Talk of bado bado kuumiza matumbo.

By now you already know that my old man was no joke. Being a member of PTA meant that he was in the good books of the school administration. He walked into the school compound and received my results before I even knew they had arrived.

So when I was just there at home minding my Gakware group of companies businesses, I de hear, ‘mwarī wa maitū’ my sister; you know Kikuyus naming policies and all; I was actually named after her only sister. I tensed when I saw him holding a piece of paper. He was quiet for a few seconds and you could have heard a pin drop like in that Kenny Rogers song, ‘coward of the county.’ Yes, even when the said pin was dropping on the soil.

I looked straight in his eyes waiting for what would come next, he maintained the silence like he was enjoying torturing me. Then he smiled and handed me the paper saying, ‘ tongwīraga nīwe ūgatuīka ndagītarī gūkū.’ I’ve been telling you that you are the one who will become a doctor in this house.’ I’m still contemplating whether I’ll ever be able to hold a syringe and inject someone’s bum bum 😂 with these my shaky hands.

If I ever do I’ll make sure to let you know. For now lemmi take this thing for a road test. You know what they say, ‘ndūkanairīre gatinga hunyū,’ ‘do not scorn a tractor because of its dust.’ I bet by the time I’m back it will be dusty.

To parents; if your child did not perform well don’t humiliate them. Remember that popcorns are subjected to the same heat but some pop faster than others. Each child has his/her own pop time.

#StillTheChronicler.

Published by Nyar Kaheti

Born and raised on the picturesque slopes of Mt Kenya, Nyar Kaheti is your girl next door vibe kind of girl. She enjoys reading, writing, hiking, and listening to country music among other things.

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